


pills and pain

by inky_button



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anorexia, Body Dysphoria, Depression, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Forced Vomiting, Maybe a happy end, Purging, Vomiting, throwing up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-08 02:37:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16420766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inky_button/pseuds/inky_button
Summary: lance faces something that can hurt anyone without them knowingnot everyone gets a happy ending*lance faces ED*





	1. Chapter 1

lance was always just the goof off, the show off and just comic relief and sometimes juxtaposition, he felt so opposite to everyone. in any team he wasn't good enough for some reason, he didn't get along with many girls as he was too flirty but that was just fake confidence to try and make everyone see him as fun and cool, guys thought he was too annoying and liked too many girly things like face masks.

how was he meant to change himself so everyone liked him? maybe he was annoying...

lance sat on his bed looking at his blank walls "why am I always stuck in such crap thoughts?" he sighed to himself "I'm stuck with the coolest people in the world and I somehow annoyed all of them! man...being alive sucks." he finally got up from the spot he'd been lying in for the last hour "maybe some training might help me feel better." he reasoned as he left the room he'd been in way too long.

lance was just about to go into the training room when keith saw him "nice to finally see you're up, lazy." keith joked but something hurt in lance 

lance rolled his eyes "what do you want mullet?" lance stood with his arms crossed but a playful look plastered onto his face 

"to kick your ass at training?" keith gave a challenging look at lance "want to take your changes at beating me?" 

"sure thing mullet!" lance dashed into the training room with keith close behind, both pick up swords and begin their battle. after 10 of them going at it lance began to breath hard ,feeling short of breath 

"what's wrong lance? bit out of space or something?" keith joked and let his guard down, lance knocked keith down while he wasn't fighting. "that was a cheat shot!" keith called out

"you're a cheat shot!" lance yelled back like it made any sense at all

"round two?" lance shock his head, for some reason he just felt sad. he didn't feel like playing anymore

"there's something I need to work on, but maybe later?" keith nodded as lance left the room once more making his way back to his room 

'was keith just being keith or was he right...' lance thought. the works lazy and out of space spun around his head, he looked at himself . why all of a sudden did he feel so...ugly? "would people like me better if I looked better?"

 

it was around a month after that thought that they all stopped on some planet to get stuff from the market, lance found is way to some med shop and he ended up picked somethings up from that shop. a few packets of laxatives and diet pills that speed up metabolism, when he got back to the ship he took one of the diet pills, it only took 20 minutes for him to begin to feel like he had some tummy bug but he ignored it. his stomach kept bubbling, his face was warm as the rest of him froze he couldn't tell if it was from the pill or lack of food. 

his diet was made of boost teas and a few spoonful's of green goo on a good day but on bad days it was just water and nothing else but it was fine, he was mad as hell. he'd been at his more a month or so and he'd lost pretty much nothing which wasn't the worst thing is the world because then no one has to know, right? 

he felt like he was being pulled away from everyone, his thoughts were plagued by getting to however many steps or how many cals he's had to even think about hanging with his friends

everytime he took the pills he kept buying by it the laxatives or the diet pills he felt like he was going to die like his and he did it daily, no wonder he was hiding from everyone, training took up a lot of his time 

sometimes he'd feel guilt when he ate so he'd just throw it up again and again, his cheeks would swell and his glands too, he would cry even if he wasn't sad while shoving his fingers down his throat, he cut the inside of his throat so many times. he would stop when he saw blood though, he didn't want to die after all

it had been a really bad day, so he sat there in his bathroom, fingers covered in burning acids, throat cut on the inside and smelling like vomit "I don't want to live like this..." he whimpered miserably. everytime he thought he was getting better thoughts would come back worse then before, sometimes he felt better for hours or sometimes days but it always came back worse. 

he grabbed at his stomach "I do all this crap to myself just for you to not get smaller?!" he was mad at his body and himself, he always was when he wasn't just sad with it "maybe on day I wont be ugly... then I can stop this but for now I cant stop until I'm perfect " 

he finally stood, he washed his hands and arms then washed out his mouth, he brushed his teeth for a good while humming ' and I can taste blood in my mouth' he hummed. it had been such a shit day but all he could do now was sleep it off


	2. does it get better?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im in so much pain rn, im only writing this so I can stop hurting . so yeah basically what lance is going through is my life rn

he didn't know why he needed to take more pills but he did, it had been two weeks since he'd had anything to do with them but now he's laying there, his stomach pounding and cramping as if he was going to vomit "is this how girls feel?!" he's almost crying from the pain

his head is now cold as the rest of his body heats, his body needs to move but every movement causes more pain to echo through out his body

he's dizzy, his brain feels likes its being eaten, it's like it's shrinking then growing. he wants to vomit, he wants the pain to stop. he only took 1 diet pill and two of those laxatives but his body is shaking 

"am I dying...?" he asks not even to himself, he can see his clock telling him it's late, 2am but he cant sleep in this pain. he feels like he might get a nose bleed if the pain in his head doesn't leave "please go away before morning." he knows he cant put off training, he wont let himself sick or not, he needs to get the that stupid step count

"when did numbers control my life?" he asks as he finally lets the tears slip down his face 

"I don't want to die this way..." he sobs horribly into his pillow. maybe tomorrow will be better

**Author's Note:**

> dont know if there will be a pt2 this is just me venting about my bad mind rn, any ideas for a pt2 im willing to take on board though and write about.


End file.
